“Okay, okay . . . you've gone to the casino buffets—and yes, the all-you-can-eat prime rib sounded great—but now you want to get in shape. Come enjoy our brand new fitness center—and get in shape for the following nights all-you-can-eat seafood buffet!”

“Trust us, this is no ordinary Continental Breakfast! We have a cornucopia of delectable and tasty (and yes, healthy) treats to get your morning off right: granola cereal, raisin bran, bagels, hard boiled eggs, bananas, apples, peaches, banana bread, oatmeal, coffee, orange juice and danish. We assure this: you will not leave hungry!!”

“After a long day hiking or shopping or going to our local casinos, come back to the hotel and enjoy the desert's coolest and most refreshing Olympic-size pool and jacuzzi. And remember: there is nothing like BBQ in the desert and we have a gas BBQ poolside for your enjoyment.”

“Long ride. Tired body. We fully understand—and that is why we want to pamper you at check-in with fresh baked cookies, refreshing, fruited water, and locally grown dates (hey, we aren't called the Date Hotel for nothing). And even more: we want to warmly welcome you to our home—and give you the sort of hospitality that is rather bereft in other hotels. Come see why we have been awarded customer service awards eight years running!”

“From the Godfather to Harry Potter, come enjoy our vast and eclectic DVD selection. Enjoy the movie in the comfort of your room and remember; its free!”